Bedrooms and Evictions
by RedHawkeRevolver
Summary: Cullen and Evelyn get evicted. Light smut and fluff.


_Bedrooms and Evictions_

Evelyn had been waiting for this all day. He had promised her. She was going to hold him to it. They were going to retire early. They were going to lock every one of the doors to his tower. And they were going to sleep in. And anything that happened in between 'retire early' and 'sleep in' was 'fair game', as he had once said to her.

She walked into his office with a determined lilt in her step. She wasn't surprised when she saw he was still meeting with one of his officers. She was just a bit early. She could have guessed he would use every last second to work before she came to collect on his promises. Even though she was early, she interrupted... _politely_...and summarily dismissed said officer... _with respect_. The man just smiled and mumbled some reassurances that any business he had could wait until tomorrow, or the next day, or whenever, and then he rushed out.

"Keys." She demanded with a smile of her own, hand outstretched to the Commander of her armies who stood before her with an annoyed sort of air.

He made a show of huffing and digging in every drawer in his desk before he produced the keys in question. She took them and proceeded to lock them in and lock the rest of Skyhold out. She almost returned them to him but then she snatched them back at the last second and, on an impulse, dropped them down her tunic. They clinked softly as they landed between her breasts.

"You want them back. Come and get them." She couldn't hold in a giggle as she bolted up to his loft and threw herself laughing on the bed. There was some swearing and what sounded like tripping coming from below before Cullen appeared at the top of the ladder.

To Evelyn's abject joy, he was wearing a cheeky smile of his own. He slowly came up into the room and then, he charged her.

Her eyes went wide and she tried to dodge the attack, but he was surprisingly fast for a large man in armor. He landed on top of her with a force that would have been painful if not for the soft bedding she found herself now sunken into with his weight above her.

"You're pretty quick, Commander." She said in a strained voice, the solid mass of him pressing on her chest.

"Don't be insulting, Evelyn." He growled in her ear. And then he added, lower and intimate. "I can last all night and you know it."

"Prove it." Evelyn wished that had come out as more of a challenge, but instead it sounded more like begging. Then again, she wasn't above begging him for it.

Thankfully, that didn't seem to be the flavor of the evening. His clever hands had already found their way inside her clothes. So she set to work freeing him from his confines as well. They were both eager and in love and smiling into their kisses. They were aroused and ready for each other and if they were any other couple, Evelyn would be rolling her eyes and making catty remarks to Dorian about the nauseating sweetness of it all.

But they weren't any other couple. They were Cullen and Evelyn and she couldn't be happier about it.

Correction.

She was much happier to feel his naked skin finally sliding against her own. And happier even when his strong arms flipped her over onto her hands and knees. And happier still when he targeted her hot little core and pushed himself into her, his body curling down atop her from behind.

They both moaned in satisfaction and after a deliciously agonizing long moment of stillness, he started thrusting. Sure and swift and _yes, please, more, more, more._

 _Knock. Knock. Knock._

They both froze mid-stroke.

" _Fuck!_ " Cullen exclaimed through clenched teeth. "The doors are locked. I'm _not_ stopping." He said defiantly and proceeded to pound into her with a single-minded determination to _not stop_.

"Unnnnhhhhh..." She keened. "Don't stop, _please don't stop_." She pleaded in agreement, face buried in sheets, sticking her behind out, meeting his hips on each forward movement.

Even through her pleasure addled fog, she could tell he was in a mood tonight. He was going to be relentless and she was going to be walking funny and, _Maker preserve her_ , he felt so _good_ , she wanted to scream. The first notes of it had almost escaped her when...

 _Knock, knock, knock._

Again at the door, louder this time. Cullen slowed, but he was all about keeping promises this night so he didn't stop. "Ignore it!" He ordered when he felt her tense slightly beneath him.

So she did, relaxing back against him again with a contented, "Mmmmmm."

They were allowed to continue on for only another blissful few seconds until they heard keys in the door and heard it slam open.

That made Cullen stop.

"You two! I'm coming up there!"

That made Cullen jump out of his skin. It was Josephine and the unmistakable sounds of someone climbing the creaking ladder carried up to them.

Cullen pulled out with a raunchy curse Evelyn didn't think him capable of uttering. Their Ambassador was just poking her head into the loft when Cullen unceremoniously yanked the sheet out from under his lover causing both of them to tumble in opposite directions off the bed. Him on the side near Josephine clutching the sheet in front of his swollen and very unhappy pride and Evelyn on the far side. She landed with a thump on the floor, just managing to grab a pillow to hide behind.

All three of them opened their mouths to speak. Or shout. Or swear some more. But it was Josephine who won and spoke first.

"Get out." She demanded, her normally calm demeanor replaced by a snarling visage. When they hesitated, just looking at her strangely, too incensed and shocked to formulate a response to the order, she repeated herself, only this time with an edge that would have made Leliana proud. "Get. Out." She seethed.

Cullen managed to find his words, with what Evelyn could tell was a mighty effort. "This is _our bedroom_ , Josephine, damnit! What are you doing in our bedroom? And why the blazes do you have a key to my office?" Cullen's aggravated tone was inadvertently made ridiculous by his furious blushing as he cowered behind the sheet trying to hide his arousal.

"I have a skeleton key for all of Skyhold." She answered smugly. "And _this,"_ The Ambassador waved her hands around, "is _not_ a bedroom. _This_ is a dilapidated loft above a battlement tower." She narrowed her eyes at Cullen. " _This_ ," more gesturing, "is where people shoot arrows from and dump tar on their enemies as they try to scale the walls. _This_ is _not_ where you should be _brandishing your sword_ for a Lady!" She pointed at his nether parts. Not his actual sword that was propped against the wall.

Evelyn couldn't help but let a snort of laughter escape her. She regretted it when the fire storm that was Josephine turned its war path to her.

"And _you_! Why are you humoring this? Were you Trevelyans raised in the stables you breed your horses in? What is _wrong_ with the two of you? Go to a _real_ bedroom, for the love of Andraste! You have a perfectly _normal_ one at the top of the keep you know, for all the few seconds you've spent in it. Do you have any idea how much the furnishings in that room cost? Do you know how much time I spent making it _just_ right?" Her eyes got far away and dreamy even if her voice stayed loud and very present. "The perfect blend of business and comfort. Privacy and authority. Austerity and opulence."

"Those last two things are opposites." Evelyn mumbled stupidly, her face half hidden by her pillow, not quite knowing what else to say. She shouldn't have said anything at all.

Josephine shot daggers at her for daring to speak. "We are _finally_ announcing your betrothal publicly tomorrow and I will _not_ suffer the two of you living like barn cats in a hayloft ONE. MOMENT. LONGER!" Evelyn thought she saw steam start to escape Josephine's ears.

"People are going to officially know you will be marrying and forming an alliance. You need to be seen coming and going from a _proper residence_. Only people who have something to hide slink into dark holes at night! We need to assure our allies when they visit that your union is going to be proud and strong. Lasting and fruitful. Not some hasty afterthought that you stumble into after a long day of killing things!"

Josephine closed her eyes and took a slow deep breath. She stood up straight and smoothed out her skirts, collecting herself after her tirade. "Now," She started, sounding much more like her usual calm self. "You have ten minutes to vacate this... _whatever this is_...or I _will_ send people up here to drag you from it."

After giving Cullen one last dirty look, she departed, likely having already started counting the minutes in her head.

Cullen and Evelyn just looked at each other, still a little breathless and still a lot aroused. She smiled at him wickedly. "Do you think we have time to finish?" She whispered.

Obviously it wasn't quiet enough because the emphatic "NO!" that was shouted up to them with an Antivan accent put to rest any hope they had of resuming their activities uninterrupted.

Cullen swore a mean streak again, face flushed with frustration now, a murderous hue behind his golden eyes. He rose, awkwardly, and dressed quickly, and even more awkwardly. He picked up her clothes and threw them over to her so she could dress as well.

"So, we're leaving then?" She asked him.

"For now." He growled. "But this isn't over. She may have won his battle, but she just started a war."

Evelyn was torn between worry for her friend and amusement at what Cullen was going to do to try and win back his dignity for a second time from the feisty Ambassador.

After Cullen took a moment to...settle himself, so their activities before they were so abruptly interrupted weren't obvious to all of Skyhold, he led Evelyn down into his office and then outside onto the battlements to make their way over to the 'proper' bedroom that awaited them.

When they stepped outside, they realized Josephine wasn't kidding. She had brought back up. And they all stood lined up along the walkway from Cullen's tower to the keep looking infuriatingly amused. Bull, Varric, Dorian, Sera, and half the Chargers were present. Evelyn wondered if Josephine hadn't tried to get some of Cullen's officers to join them, but the men probably wisely refused in favor of staying on their Commander's good side.

Evelyn could hear Cullen grinding his teeth together as he grabbed her arm and dragged her behind him trying to hurry to their new accommodations all while avoiding the stares of their friends who had started hooting and applauding and offering words of encouragement as they passed each one in turn.

"Never piss off an Antivan, Curly." Was Varric's sage advice.

"Better to have more space anyway, Boss, you know, for _experimentation_." If Cullen had had the peace of mind to bring his sword, she almost thought he would have pulled it on Bull at that statement.

"Awwww, Inky had time to get dressed! Prissy skirts said I'd get a peak!" Sera pouted.

"I second that disappointment." Dorian said, but he was eyeing Cullen instead. "Now, now, chins up you two!" He continued. "Slumming it is all well and good for the odd quick tumble, but the lovely Ambassador is right. Time to tumble in surroundings that befit your stations."

Evelyn tried her best not to laugh, but by the time they were inside again and the door shut behind them, it burst out of her so loudly tears came into her eyes. Much to her surprise, Cullen joined her, allowing himself a low chuckle.

He pushed her back against the stone wall of the corridor, cupping her face in his hands and wiping away her tears of mirth. He kissed her with a smile on his lips. After he got his taste, he said, "I think I miss the days when everyone kept quiet about us. We seem to be very... _public_ now."

"They only kept quiet to _you_ , love. Liking their heads on their shoulders, as it were. They teased _me_ relentlessly. And after Josephine gets her hands all over our official announcement, it's only going to get worse." Evelyn admitted her fear that Cullen wouldn't be very appreciative of the attention they were bound to suffer when all of Thedas knew of their betrothal.

Cullen leaned forward, pressing their bodies together and looking deeply into her eyes. "Evelyn, I want nothing more than for all of Thedas to know you're mine. But make no mistake, I'll die a thousand deaths before I admit one word of that statement to Josephine after tonight."

He kissed her again, hungry, needy and she felt his manhood start to stir back to life. He picked her up in his arms. "Let's go to bed." He said. "We can still lock the doors and sleep in. After some _...experimentation_ with all the _space_..."


End file.
